Adult Humor
I wore the most beautiful dress today.
“Simply stunning” I was told.
Pale pink, knee length, halter. Tight lace bodice, with tiny roseate flowers peering through; snug enough to showcase the shiny hills of my caramel breast. Fluffy lace and chiffon ruffles flowed down my thighs with heavy ivory mesh underneath. Simple matching pink pumps; so not to overshadow the beauty of the dress.
I twirled in delight, in the floor length mirror hung from the back of my bedroom door. Left side view (perfect). Right side view (perfect). But, when I turned to view the rear, “Hmmm.” not so pleasing. “Damn it! My butt looks too big.”.
So, I went to the closet, pulled out the leather hat box. Placed it on the bed, and rummaged for my treasures.
“Got ’em”.
I swiftly kicked the pumps off, reached my arms around the ruffles to hike the skirt; In went my right foot, now leg, a wist and pull up my thigh….snap..click..twist..wiggle. Plop and fall of the dress..
Now..next item.
Once Again, I hiked up my skirt and pulled it over my head. I felt along the bed with my left hand, “Got it.” A clack in the air; (just for fun) and around my waist.. I tied. I wrapped, bonded and buckled. ” Whew..a bit constricting… but it’ll work”.
I gathered the final gems, and with a tiny gold safety pin, I flung my left arm around and underneath my armpit, I operated.
“Whew”…inhale, exhale.. “Done”.
Giddy..I returned to the mirror… Left side view (perfect)…..Right side view (perfect)… Rear….(no need) I raised up my skirt to admire my treasures and handy-work …. a lingering “Ni-ce” slithered from my lips.
Kissing my right thigh, compactly kept with black garter; was my Uncle’s army blade.. (a gift from my Twentieth birthday)
Blessing my waist was my favorite black leather whip; handle tucked deep in my thong.
Pinned in the back of my bodice, just below my right shoulder blade; hidden in china-red satin, was 3 glimmering razor blades.
I twinkled into my shoes, and danced a little jig…. “Someone better not dare say a thing about my butt!… I wish a muthafucka…would.” (smile)
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